So I've started dating again, and the people I've met have been.... well interesting. (sometimes friends aren't the best judge of characters).
Well I believe I have been doing this dating thing properly. I talk with them via emails, and phone calls. We agree to meet, and chat some more. We go to our respective homes, and that's it.
But something happened on Friday night that just amazes me. This guy who I was going on a second date with, told me at the end of the evening, that "He couldn't date me because my eyes just screamed sex." I gave him a stumped look, and asked as sweetly as I could "I'm sorry? What does that mean?" He continued on to say that my eyes were just screaming sex that he felt he could never see me as anything more than a "friend with benefits" and couldn't see anything long term happening. Umm ok... I was completely flabbergasted but said "Ok. If that's what you feel, have a nice life!"
Ok I do have to admit, I proceeded to the bathroom and stared at my eyes for a good 45 minutes. Yeah... boring as hell. If they scream sex, then I need a new ad campaign.
What the hell? I admit I have a healthy sex drive, but I haven't been sleeping around, I don't have sex with random strangers, and I definitely haven't done anything that would even shout "SLEEP WITH ME! I NEED YOU!" What the hell do my eyes have anything to do with it? Are my eyes secretly sending out messages to these guys that I need sex? Well I guess I best start wearing sunglasses at night.
So what does that mean? I'm not out looking to get some. If that is all I was looking for, I definitely would be pursuing a different avenue. I'm looking to meet people, enjoy life, and see where it takes me. Yes sex is a possibility, but it is a distant possibility if any.
It was quite a shame, this guy I actually had a lot in common with, we never had a lull in conversation and seemed to be getting along just fine (hence the second date). Hell he could've just said "Hey you're nice, but you're not for me."
Have you ever been tossed aside due to any body part being to "sexual" for someone?
So some friends and I got into a discussion about the internet and love. With sites like Eharmony & Match.com more and more people are turning to the internet to find the "one". This led to a further discussion of people who maintain long distance relationships, and the feelings that arise from interacting from other people even before you see them. Personally I believe human interaction is human interaction, and that yes you can get feelings from talking and spending time with people online. There is an aspect of the normal interaction missing but for the most part, I feel that you are able to focus on the parts of the person that mean so much more after looks fade. Some friends on the other hand, feel that feelings can not be formed until you are able to interact with the person face to face.
What brought up this conversation? One of my friends, Sarah, recently told us that she has been talking to this guy who lives cross country for about 10 months now. They met through a game that they both play, and have been talking outside the game apparently quite a bit. They haven't seen each other just merely talked on the phone, computer and texted. From what I hear they have a lot in common, and are planning on meeting here in a couple of months. She admitted to having strong feelings, and apparently he has done the same. Personally, I'm happy for her. I am glad that she has met someone who shares her interests, and makes her feel special. I say let her go through and see where it takes her. After all relationships are a learning curve of life. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.
Enter Jake. Now I love Jake to pieces, but sometimes I just want to strangle him over the 12 years I've known him, but he is still a great friend. He pipes up and says "Are you that desperate that you can't find someone locally?" Wow Jake you insensitive jerk! So the debate began.
The internet and dating have been around longer than Match.com, and Eharmony. Anytime you place a variety of people together in an environment, there are bound to be emotions at play. Forum boards, games, chatrooms, email groups, they can all share the same dynamic. You see people getting mad, teasing each other like siblings, laughing, joking around.... why wouldn't you think that affection could be a possibility?
Jake responded with "Just ain't right to fall in love with a computer screen."
True, given the scenario I'd prefer a local guy to a long distance guy, but if he makes Sarah happy isn't that what friends need to be looking for? I know that like anything new, this would've been ostracized in general society, but I feel that we have changed enough to allow for technology in our lives... all aspects of our lives... even our love lives. You go Sarah! Do what makes you happy!
So what are your thoughts? Has the internet affected your love life? Did you meet your SO through the internet?
I don't like showing weakness. I try not to cry in front of people, especially those that are the reason for my tears. I aim to be strong at least to the public eye. This has caused two things: 1) I am the person that people look to during chaos, 2) I am thought to be a cold hearted woman who has no feelings about anything.
You live, you love, you lose, you die. Life goes on no matter which path you take after something happens. You cry? Life goes on. You get mad? Life continues. You move on. Well, life is walking right beside you. Don't get me wrong, I cry. Quite often. It is usually in my private moments.
My partner of some time and I decided to break it off. He felt that he couldn't be in a relationship with me and still do what he wanted to do. I was devastated. Does he know that? No. All he is aware is that I picked up my pieces and have unbreakable self confidence, telling him "if you can't appreciate me now, then you don't deserve me". Privately, I cried. I miss him terribly. Everyone comments that I am doing great for the heartbreak and I am taking it so well so quickly. I smile my smile, and laugh saying that the world is at my feet and I am living life and moving on. They ask me what happened, and I merely give them barebones of it and leave it at that. I am not hiding anything. I have to admit it threw me off, when one "friend" asked if since I got over it so quickly, did I even love him at all? Wow... I only play a cold-hearted bitch, doesn't me that is who I truly am. I am merely a private person who mourns in private.
I don't like people feeling sorry for me. Very few people have seen me cry, and that has occurred unintentionally. I merely broke down, but I gather myself up again until I can get to the sanctuary of my private room. Memories spark when I come across one of "our" things. It still tears me up when He comes waltzing in with a random phone call or text, but I smile for the public. I don't want their pity.
Sometimes I feel strong. Sometimes I feel like I'm an actor playing dual roles. Is it wrong that I do not want people seeing me weak? Why must I be like the stereotypical female who cries at the loss of her favorite barrette? I know there are other women out there like me. How do you handle the response? Does your "public attitude" ever become your "true" attitude?